Detachment 九

Clothed In Body

Where does point A begin and where does it end ? Or has it always been same point ?

Things been pretty messy at the beginning, shiny never been-seen before colors and weird noises , it didn’t seem like anything however it sounded very familiar, maybe a bit less constant, no high pitch sounds and in the physical realm less contained. now there is more freedom, or more movement not very organized but it has some sort of a character with limitation of course but more balanced the more time passed by. Back there it was like floating, moving within a calm stream or at the surface of the ocean with a gentle palm pushing you up and holding you at certain level, not that you hanged from top or that you pushed from below but just there floating peacefully weightless.

Things been messier, so many questions were never answered and I am still asking the same questions, I have changed the way I ask them but never got any answer, it seems like everybody knows the answer but no-one wants to say it… anyway now the colors and sounds are just as they have always been, sometimes I get bored of it all sometimes I enjoy them, to be fair it is nice I don’t want to sound like I am used to it, I am not so sure if I do but it still strange somehow, I think that type of strangeness that you are filled with curiosity towards, something so attractive about it, its pulling you closer and closer the more you are awake, once you close your eyes for few seconds you wake up starving for more of it, you just can not stop… people make it more easy especially when there so many of them. I have gotten to know about that feeling later on that’s why I am saying it now… but honest to god, now while I am writing this I just don’t understand a single thing but more on that for later… I guess…

Things been… its absolutely the worst has it ever been, I never thought things would reach to this point… they damn did and even gotten worse and worse… the more I think its the end it gets even more… it gets even bigger I will never be able to manage it… no one does! Where are we heading?! This can’t be real… its like you are falling but never reaching the bottom, endless falling, you don’t know from where you have fallen and you just can’t reach the end and what it makes worse is that while you are falling you blindfolded… I hate it… I think I know it I must’ve seen it… By the way the colors are mostly red and not a warm red but a boiling red……. where is everywhere…. I remember all the sounds but I got to say the sounds now are the most interesting the more enjoyable, I could sit for hours and days and days and days and days and days just listening I will never get bored am sure of this now, I don’t know about later… I have learned that some questions should never be asked.

You just be with it all. Absorb absolutely every drop of it, I drink it and drink it until I am full of it… its within very inch of my skin I even donated a small part of my body to it… yes it was ugly but its my body, I know a lot of people have donated much more like you can’t imagine the much more. It was devastating for them but it took it all never seemed to get enough of what they have gave.

I can hear every voice and every sound, I can see them all, the sun is gradually falling asleep and I am just play in the garden. My nails are dirty and I am tired but I have found the joy in all of this. The film is being projected in our living room and we have seen it all but we didn’t mind to watch it again. Nobody knows that they are watching what I have seen before, I like our garden and I like afternoons, everything is within me and I can feel every single detail of it, its magical! Words would lose their meaning if ever put close to the thought of it and tongues would be twisted if they ever dared to say it… everything has ever happened before was leading to this, you would be amazed at how close it was the whole time…

Things been Remember when I thought that all of this could be that’s it ? Yeah I was totally wrong things turn out to be just fine, things will always be alright, they always do.

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